I am feeling pretty good most of the time, my belly is pretty out there (I look like I did with Lucy at 5 months...I kid you not!), things are moving along. I wish I could report that I won my battle against fear and worry but unfortunately that wasn't the case. I worried and still worry but the worry seemed to be at an all time high right before the ultrasound I had this morning. My doctors decided to take me off the Lovenox (blood thinner) since my test results showed I did not need it. It's been three weeks without the injections and since I've been feeling so good I thought for sure something bad had happened (because that's how my crooked brain works).
I prayed/fought with God every second of my 2 hour drive to Houston this morning. A few years back, my faith would have been unshaken but these days it's a different story. The unfairness of watching a newborn baby die has ruined me and still has me broken. My brain knows what Scripture says but I still struggle with the reality of what happens in this world. I know healing is taking place. I just pray it's done by the time I give birth as I don't know I can get through labor not believing the Lord will carry me through it... an epidurial might be in order if I don't get to that happy place by February.
Anyway, I digress....
I laid back on the ultrasound chair and in a matter of seconds the screen was filled with images of a huge baby kicking, moving all around and putting a hand on his/her mouth. Heartbeat was strong, baby is measuring a week ahead, everything looked perfect, doctor said.
It felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and now I get to enjoy the second trimester, feeling good and knowing the worst (in terms of risk of miscarriage) is behind me.
This picture was taken a few weeks back at about 10 weeks. I will take a recent one Today and try to find one from Lucy's pregnancy to compare... Oh, and I have pics of the baby but I have to scan them and that might take a while.
Because I know you don't get tired of looking at this sweet face!!
9 comments:
So good to hear from you! I was getting worried. Glad to hear all is good.
katie
Yaaayyyy!! Second trimester!!! I am so happy to hear that all is well in TX! You are in our thoughts every day...
I am so glad you came out of your hole and blogged again :) I am glad to hear that things are going well and that the 2nd trimester is officially upon you. Keep the updates coming.
Sis, Praise the Lord!! I am so HAPPY for you guys!!!Jose and I have been praying...I am so excited to read your blog. Can't wait to see the ultrasound pics. I totally understand the worry, I still feel it too...but I am patient with my self and for every kick I feel, I give thanks :-) Love you!
uh, your "belly pic" looks remarkably similar to my beach ready body... what's that all about???? Can't wait for things to really pop now that you are 12 weeks!!
Congrats on baby #2!! You look great! Glad to hear you are feeling better. Jen keeps me updated with your progress, but I love reading your blog, too! You're in our prayers!
Amy Garcia
So glad to hear that all is well. Please know that you aren't alone in your battle for your mind, I would spend the 1/2 in the car to the doc's begging and pleading for a good ultrasound with joshua. Every month He delivered yet the moments before every appointment were the exact same - filled with fear and anxiety. He is bigger than your fear and He is compassionate about your fear - come as you are sister! :) Much love, jenn
Congrats to you and the entire Payne family! I'm sorry I didn't get to see you guys before you left, but my love is with you all. You're a beautiful soul, and I'm glad we got to hang out a little bit. See you when you're here, or I'm out in the big T!
xox
Even though we're separated by a couple thousand miles, I'm right beside you, in the midst of the battle.
Missing Olive,
k
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