I've been struggling with my lack of faith the first trimester of this pregnancy, how much time I spent worrying and agonizing over the what-ifs, the ridiculous prayers/bargaining sessions I had with God promising/demanding/begging. The ultrasound put most of my fears to rest but since then a nasty little voice has surfaced in my brain telling me what a failure I am as a Christian and how the moment things got hard, I just couldn't BELIEVE. Well, good thing I've gotten good at recognizing Satan's voice and that God puts books like these in my path to remind me of truths I've forgotten.
Here's a little section I particularly liked:
" We need to hear that even Jesus was afraid at times. The Gospels give us a vivid picture of the fear and anguish Jesus endured in facing suffering, separation from God, and death. His prayer (to the Father) was not polite, controlled, or detached. It was anguished and gut-wrenching. Drenched in perspiration that fell to the ground "like drops of blood" (Luke 22:44), Jesus whole being gave voice to his turmoil. God journeys with him through the anguish until he is able to choose the way of trust and surrender. Following Jesus' way seems to require that I be real with God about all of my life and that I grapple with pain and with all of selves until I reach the point of surrender."
SO, what I learned... be real, pour out my heart to God, fear and all, even if my prayers are impolite and irrational, He can handle it and will eventually guide me ever so gently to a place of trust. Jesus lived a perfect life and he allowed himself to experience fear so what am I doing trying to fight it. I guess the thing is "to go forward in spite of fear" but that's the next chapter and I'm getting ahead of myself ;)
Nighty night..
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