The GIFT

On April 29th, 2010, I found out I was pregnant with our third baby.  I still can't believe it.   I want to document how things happened so I don't forget.  I love to think or read back to the stories of how and when my babies were conceived.

I'm still nursing Jenna pretty frequently so I had only gotten a very short cycle around the time she turned 12 months.   I had been praying for a baby boy though and when it seemed like my fertility was coming back I was over the moon thinking we could start trying right away.  When it didn't happen that month I was disappointed (I took about 5 HPTs... talk about impatient).  Then my cycles never came back after that first short one so I thought were were in for a wait.

I think the Lord's known he was going to bless us but He wanted me to learn a few things.  I'm so thankful always for these lessons.

I've been doing a precept study on the book of Genesis and last months study was on the lives of Isaac and Esau, Abraham's sons.  Genesis is so full of references to God opening the womb, closing the womb, blessing with children, noticing a woman's affliction because of her barrenness.  One of the questions in the study was whether I believed the power to gift children is God's and ONLY His.  My first impulse was to answer "of course!" but I had to stop myself and think long and hard about that but eventually I did arrive to my original answer... It is entirely in His hands... even if that life starts out in a test tube. 

A few weeks after, I found myself getting anxious again, looking at dates, planning, acting as if it was within my power to plan my family.  To say that I am a slow learner is an understatement!  Anyway, I read a devotional that talked about people (women) wasting away their lives day dreaming about things to come rather than focusing on what they had and that was all I needed to get my head straight.

I was finally in the right frame of mind... not even thinking about the future, just relaxing when I felt a prompting to take a pregnancy test.  It was such an odd/invasive prompting.  I had not been taking my folic acid and with that genetic mutation I have folic acid is critical for sustaining my pregnancies.  I think He wanted me to know so I could start taking care of myself.

We had run errands all day morning.  It was mid day and the girls were resting and watching TV respectively.  I had been wondering if I still had a pregnancy test in my bathroom so I went and checked and there it was, the very last one.  I heard Jenna wake up so I went in to get her.  I had to go potty really bad and I knew it was my chance to take that test.  I had to go while holding Jenna because she was fuzzy.  It didn't take long before I saw that extra line and a river of gratefulness and joy rushed over me.  I started laughing out loud and thanking God.  I called Jim shortly after and he was happy although he couldn't talk much at work.  He texted me a 143 later so I knew he had been thinking about me.  He also called and asked if he could tell Daniel on the way back home from work and that's how I knew how excited he was.   We are hopeless, we can't withhold exciting news like these even for a day.  A half dozen people already knew by the time we went to bed that night.  :)

As I was praying in thanksgiving, Father clearly said to me, GIFT.  In big bold letters, the word appeared on my mind.  I instantly knew it was from Him.  Lately, I know when He talks to me.  His love overwhelms me.  I have no words.

Lord, I honestly believe Yours is the power to give and take away.  Help me rejoice and be thankful of the gifts you have given us.  Help me shine with the love of your son through this pregnancy and always.  Be with me in the months to come, have mercy on me and spare me of morning sickness but if that's something you need to allow please give me the grace to deal with it while taking care of the girls and my home.  I love you.  Thank You.